one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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