He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
