How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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