You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
