You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
