dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
