Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
