youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
