after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
