I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
