Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize