I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Randomize
