You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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