I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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