capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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