He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
