Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
