I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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