[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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