I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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