i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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