i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
