the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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