That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
