ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
