Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
