I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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