...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
