They should really pass out barf bags in church
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
