Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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