I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
