You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
