speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize
