I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize