Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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