her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
