You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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