Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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