I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
