Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
