The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize