Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
