I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
