I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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