He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
