Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
