White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
