Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize