She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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