So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
