I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize