I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
