guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
