Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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