My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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