Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
