somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Is it penis luge time yet?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
