he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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