# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
