Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Randomize
