i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
