Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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