I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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