Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
