Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I could fuck to npr.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Randomize
