I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
