i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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