Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
