Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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