Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
