So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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