We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
