you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
