speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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